My house feels weird. There’s only two out of three children here, and it just feels – odd. You know that feeling when there is something you think you should have remembered, but you just can’t figure it what it is? It’s kind of like that. I’ve never had occasion to use the word discombobulated before, but I think it sums up my feelings perfectly. Yep, definitely discombobulated.
Obviously there’s quite a lot of occasions when we don’t have the full complement in the house – they have playdates, and clubs, and school – but generally speaking, come 7pm or so, they’re all here. Driving me nuts at that point, sure. Still, they are here. But last night and tonight, my biggest boy has been away on an adventure trip with school. He’s getting the chance to do some amazing activities, and I know it will be good for his confidence, and I’m sure he’s having a brilliant time. And WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.
It’s not so much that I’m missing him, exactly – though I am. It’s not that this is the longest I’ve ever gone without at least speaking to him on the phone. It’s not even that he is being let loose on activities like gorge walking and rock climbing and night time mountain trips – my sensible head tells me these are all brilliant fun things for an 8 year old, while my slightly neurotic head (the louder of the two, usually) is yelling ‘DANGER! and has all manner of warning lights going off….
It’s not any of those things.
Unpicking it a bit, I think it’s fear. Fear that it’s all going too fast. Fear that this is the first of many times when our team of five has to play as four. And then three. And then just two….I’m quite sure this sounds melodramatic, and perhaps it is, just a teensy bit. But it feels like last week that I had my first baby. Last WEEK. And now he is nearly Nine. Years. Old. So by my reckoning, next week he’ll be eighteen. Holy crap. And – once again – WAAAAAAAAAAH.
Does anyone else feel like this? Or is it just me?
*shuffles off to be discombobulated all alone in a corner*