Category Archives: Family

On the one in the middle

Family, LearnerMother

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I always thought I’d have 4 children. But things rarely work out to plan – for a start, I thought I’d be a much younger mother; I also thought I’d be quite a lot better at it than I actually am. So three children it is – and I count my blessings every day, though I’m not sure that my kids do :/

Of course, three kids means there’s one in the middle. I have a boy-girl-boy sandwich, and I’m really glad that’s the way it’s worked out – it means my beautiful girl will always have a special place. She’s not the eldest, she’s not the youngest, but she is the only girl.

That thing about middle children though – it’s always there, nagging at the back of my mind. What if she doesn’t feel special enough? What if she feels her needs are eclipsed by the one who’ll always be the firstborn, and the one who’ll always be the baby?

At this point I’d like to be able to offer up some wisdom, some wonderful tips for how to deal with the middle child thing, possibly a smug example of how MY middle child will be the best adjusted in the world, ever.

But – the awful truth is, no matter how hard I try, I know that she does miss out. I know that I expect her to fall in as one of the ‘little ones’ when it’s time for an early night because I’m knackered, yet when it suits me, she becomes one of the ‘big ones’, expected to dress and clean teeth and not play hide and seek because it’s a school morning, dammit, and can’t you see I’m trying to get the baby ready. I know that she does not get the fuss the eldest one did on reaching those special milestones, because three growing kids make everything so much more crowded and busy and noisy. And I know that while the youngest will probably get even less attention for his achievements 3rd time round, I also know that being the baby of the family probably more than makes up for it.

But my beautiful, special girl just sails on, unaware of my guilt, accepting of her place in the family, and happily embracing all that life throws at her. Her confidence in herself and in dealing with social situations is enviable, and lovely to watch. And I wonder if there are also benefits to being the one in the middle, that we don’t hear so much about. I hope so.

Time will tell, I suppose. But in the meantime, my lovely little girl, my only daughter, I promise to try harder to make sure you know, every day, how special you are. X

On how I got here

Family, LearnerBlogger

 

How did I get here? To actually creating a personal blog – that thing I’ve been meaning to do for years, but never somehow finding the time, or – more truthfully – worrying about putting myself out there.
Well, how I came to be here, now, involves another family’s sadness – and their hope. I was having one of those days where nothing I do as a mother seems quite right, and as I do quite often when I’m in that mood, I dip in and out of other parent blogs. Partly because I usually find something to make me smile; and often, I find a new way of thinking about a problem I’m having with my kids.
On this occasion I stumbled over Jennie Edspire’s blog – just as she and her family were coming to terms with the loss of their baby Matilda Mae from SIDS. I have no words to describe the journey that Jennie’s family are taking – enough to say, really, that no parent or sibling should have to go through it.
One thing that really struck me though, is that by blogging, Jennie has created such a lovely memory box for her and her family. Such a beautiful reminder of the youngest member of the Edspire family – and all the more important for the fact that Matilda Mae’s siblings are not yet three. Whenever they want to, or need to, they will be able to return to their memories of Matilda Mae. They will be able to revisit their thoughts, feelings, and memories both happy and sad, and will have a record of their journey as a family.
So that’s what did it really. I want to give my kids the gift that Jennie has given hers. A record of our family as it grows, and learns, and lives and loves. I do not know where this blog will go, or if I will be any good at it, or if anyone will read it…I don’t really mind, in fact. As long as I create something that is of value for my kids, when they want to remember their story, that is good enough for me.