Tag Archives: kids

On coming out of the tunnel

Family, LearnerMother, , , , , , , ,

I’m sure there are lots of people who won’t be able to relate to the Tunnel, and if you’re one of them, please feel free to be relieved and/or smug that it wasn’t like that for you. Just don’t tell me about it because – you know what – though I’m out the other side, I’m not that far out yet and I CAN STILL FLIP. Yes, over the internet, and right IN YOUR FACE. You have been warned.

It goes a bit like this. You meet the bloke, get pissed for a few years, have some good holidays, buy a house and do it up, get married…oh, this is a bit easy, you think. I’m a bit bored of finishing a cup of tea while it’s still hot, or having a poo on my own, or being able to remember my own name, or of having sex, or being able to put a pair of jeans on without having to fold over the spare flap of stomach and tuck it in. I know, it must be time to Have a Baby. Mwahahahaha go the Tunnel Gods – another one heading our way…..

And so, the Baby arrives. And it is all amazing and wonderful and tearful. Quite tearful actually. The husband did say, at one point, ‘the book says you should have stopped crying by now – it’s been seven days, for fuckssakes’. For which he had Penelope bloody Preach thrown at his head. He didn’t say it again. Actually he did. At about four years. And then he remembered why he hadn’t said it again. Muppet.

At this stage, you don’t realise you’re in the Tunnel – it’s clever like that, see, it sucks you in. You just think ‘oh, I’m tired. I’m a bit down. Must be the hormones. It’ll all be fine when things settle down’. I was lucky enough, first time round, to have a baby that was a good sleeper, but I was still exhausted, useless and – of course – constantly comparing myself to those parents whose kids don’t ever sleep (well, according to them, anyway) and who STILL manage baby yoga and organic everything and stimulating play and ooze Yummy Mumminess from every pore. Interspersed with all this uselessness are of course moments of pure joy, of amazement, of love. But somehow these moments just serve to sharpen the knife edge of anxiety of how unfair it is that this poor defenceless thing has been born to me and doesn’t he deserve someone better and nobody told me it would be like this and I. Can’t. Cope. Oh, is it dark already? How weird, actually it seems to have been dark for a while. Hmm. Maybe it’s something to do with global warming, nobody else is mentioning it so I won’t either….

Of course, the minute you start to get a handle on it all, you’re up the duff again. Wheeeee! Down some more!  Oh! And again! I mean, really, how does this HAPPEN? First time round it was all headstands and ovulation charts and doctors and drugs and every-other-day-or-the-sperm-gets-stale and no booze – for about a hundred years. Second and third time, well, I think he might have looked at me across a crowded junkyard of a playroom. Who knows. Wheeeeeeeeeeee! Down some more! And some more again for good measure! My, we really did break the climate didn’t we if it’s dark ALL THE TIME…how weird that nobody else is talking about it…best just smile and wave…

And so it continues. Guilt and exhaustion and purees and sick and guilt and tantrums and tears and crappy plastic toys that sever your toe if you step on them, and more guilt because the toys are crappy and plastic in the first place, and MORE guilt because your severed toe led to you stamping on the bastard toy, and shouting like a banshee and constant ringing in your ears and panic attacks and guilt and becoming obsessed with sleep and waking up and calculating how many hours before you can slip back into sleep and oblivion, and guilt, always the guilt. And it becomes the new normal, so you forget that life was ever any different. And of course there is happiness too, and laughter, and fun, and love – it’s not all terrible by any means. Just a bit, well, dark still. But we’re kind of used to that now.

At some point though, and so slowly that you don’t even realise it’s happening, things start to feel ever so slightly different. One day you wake up and decide not to wear a hoody and maternity jeans, as you have every day for the past six years. Of course, you’ll probably have to, because you have long since sold all your nice clothes on eBay to pay for more crappy plastic toys, but still, the thought crossed your mind. And one day, the lady in the Co-op DOESN’T tell you that you look tired! Then you start noticing its a bit lighter all around. Phew, maybe we haven’t broken the climate after all. But hang on – global warming shouldn’t affect the light levels, should it? And then the thought is gone, as quickly as it came, But it doesn’t matter, because it was A RATIONAL THOUGHT!  Next thing – you start noticing how haggard and exhausted and generally unfit you are. This sounds like it’s a bad thing. Nope, it’s not. It’s a sign that the light levels are increasing, that you’re finally coming to the end of the Tunnel. And then one day your kids say to you “You used to be so shouty and grumpy all the time. Now you’re fun, sometimes.” At which point it might be wise to remind them that the shouty ogre is NEVER FAR AWAY so when I say go to bed, I mean go to bed NOWWWWWWW before I completely lose the fricking plot…Oh, er, or you could take them in your arms and promise never to be grumpy again. Your call.

It’s not until you are completely out of the tunnel that you realise you were ever in it. So this is a message of hope for those of you still stuck underground somewhere – there is light! Life will return! The darkness isn’t climate change! Of course, the downside of coming out is that you’ll realise that  you’ve been living in something approaching squalor, and your beautifully done up house needs doing up again, due to things like THIS  that seem to have appeared on every wall. In permanent frigging marker. But hey, you’re out of the Tunnel – welcome to the world!

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On eleven years ago today

Family, LearnerMother, , , , , ,

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It was eleven years ago that Easter Monday fell on April Fool’s Day. Why do I know this? Because it was also the day that the Boyfriend became the Husband, nearly seven years after we started getting pissed together after work. Clearly, there should be some sort of warning on what a pint in the Betsey can lead to!

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So here we are today, via London, Cardiff and Cesky Krumlov, where we tied the knot. We’re a bit fatter, a lot greyer, and much, much tireder. Not any chuffing wiser, probably, but there you go. And somehow – somehow, we have managed to produce three amazing kids between us, and for that I don’t think either of us can believe our luck.

The thing about kids though, amazing or otherwise, is that they do take it out of you, particularly in the first few years. There have been weeks, and probably months, where our sole communication has been exhausted and terse functional exchanges about the kids or the businesses, interspersed by the odd curry being thrown across the room. Where we’ve held it together through a family day out, only to descend into competitive tiredness bitching the minute they have dropped off. Of course running two small businesses through a double dip recession has added a nice amount of stress to the mix, because there’s nothing like a few money worries to stretch the camel to breaking point. Or the straw. Whatever.

We’re still going, though. I’m not going to come over all roses and say it’s wonderful, because a)that’d make me puke and b)I know he reads this and it’d make him puke too. But, we are still going, despite some pretty hairy times these last few years. And now the kids are getting bigger, and sleep isn’t such an issue, and we’re just beginning to notice each other again it feels like we’re entering the next phase of our lives. I’m nervous – it feels like we have to get to know each other all over again – but I’m quite looking forward to it also.

We chose our first dance, Pulp’s ‘Something Changed’, because we felt it reflected on our situation perfectly – we were never expecting the other to be more than a passing fling, but something did change. And something’s changing again now. Happy anniversary, sweetheart x

On Techniquest and the best £56 you’ll spend this year

Cardiff Stuff, Family, Reviews, Wales, , , , , , ,

Techniquest in Cardiff

If you’ve not been before, Techniquest is a science and technology museum for kids in Cardiff Bay. But there is not one single exhibit to look at. Instead, there are about a hundred exhibits, that the kids can play with, get wet with, and climb all over – and maybe even learn something, who knows! There’s a wet play area, where they can build dams and sail ships, and where they can, by firing water jets into the appropriate holes, measure the difference in the amount of water needed for a bath vs a shower, or leaving the tap running while doing your teeth instead of just turning it on when you need it. There is the best marble maze in the world bar none, a man size Spirograph type exhibit and a hot air balloon. There is a colony of leaf eating ants and magnifying cameras so you can track them on screen, a mirage where it looks like your legs disappear, and a piano in the floor that you play by jumping on. Oh – and a planetarium!

The kids could easily spend the whole day in Techniquest – but (bad mother alert) there’s no way on Earth I’d want to. When you walk in, it’s like you hit a wall of sound. There are kids running in all directions and adults running after them. There’s usually an argument as the husband and I have widely differing opinions on how much our kids need to be watched. I like to know where they are at all times; he assumes they are fine unless the tannoy calls him. Actually – that last bit is not true – he assumes they are ok until the eldest one comes to find him to tell him that the tannoy has been calling his name for 5 minutes because the middle one is in some sort of scrape. And who knows what the youngest was doing in the meantime. But let’s not go over old ground, we’ll save that for when I’m really tamping for a fight, hey?

And breathe. Where was I?  Oh yes – I couldn’t spend a day in Techniquest. Two hours is pretty much my maximum, perhaps three if I’ve had a full night’s sleep the night before.  After that I start to lose the plot a bit.

So it might sound weird that we spend £56 a year on a family pass. But dropping in for a couple of hours, whenever the kids want to, is actually a brilliant way to experience Techniquest. We don’t need to feel that we have to spend a whole day there to justify the entrance fee (a day pass for a family of 5 would be £23). We (mostly) avoid sulking when it’s time to leave, because the kids know they can come back any time. There’s always different exhibits on rotation, as well as different shows and events, so we get to do or see something different each visit. And I have to say it’s been brilliant these last couple of cold, rainy, skint months, knowing there is always somewhere we can go for a couple of hours so the kids don’t get cabin fever. The family pass also gives 10% off in the shop, free Planetarium shows, and a couple of other bits and bobs, so all in all, it’s excellent value for money. And it helps me not lose the plot – what’s not to like!

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If you don’t know Techniquest – here’s my top tips:

1 If you live in Cardiff, the annual pass is definitely worth considering – but if you’re not sure, you can pay for a day’s entry, and then if you want to buy a pass, you’ll have your entry money refunded.

2 You can use Tesco Reward points to get in (but not to pay for an annual pass)

3 It’s sometimes closed on Mondays – but not every Monday – so call ahead on 029 2047 5475

4 Take dry clothes – though the waterplay isn’t the immersion type, there’s every chance their top halves will end up soaked.

5 Toddler Days take place once a month –  adults pay £4.60 and under 5s go free – check the website for the next one.

6 TQ After Hours – I haven’t checked this out yet but it’s evening opening, with none of the little critters running around, AND A BAR! I think this could persuade me to revise my 2 hour limit – I’ll let you know when I’ve been to one! Follow @TQafterhours for details of the next event.

Techniquest - Cardiff