Tag Archives: marriage

Three and a half days

So something a bit weird is happening on Friday afternoon. In fact, a lot weird. At around 3pm the Husband and I will be leaving for three and a half days away, without the kids. Three and a half days – we haven’t spent that long together since my biggest boy was born nine years ago!

We’ve only ever done the 24 hours away thing since having kids. And we all know how that goes. If you haven’t had kids yet, here is a handy guide:

1.Guiltily beg childcare – this gets more difficult the more of the little outers you spawn.

2.Get all excited at the thought of sleep, and then realise that the Husband is getting all excited at the thought of something else entirely. Ooops.

3.Arrive somewhere. Have a beer to relax.

4.At some point between the third and fourth beer, decide that now would be a REALLY good time to have a chat rant about all the things he’s done in the last 6 months that have got on my nerves.

5.Proceed towards full blown domestic.

6.Eat meal in stony silence.

7.Possible truce for, er, something else entirely, depending on how stony the silence was and amount of alcohol consumed.

8.Wake up feeling crap, pack up, go home and tell everyone how wonderful it was to spend some time together.

Sound familiar? Yep, thought so….

So, back to this weekend. It’s an unexpected treat for me – we had been invited to a surprise celebration with some special friends, but for various reasons including the time away from the kids, the distance and the cost we had decided that the Husband would go alone, and had booked his flights accordingly….then a couple of weeks later I received this lovely message, which certainly cheered up a dull morning in work!



What lovely friends!

But, reader, three and a half days? We are used to squeezing any conversations into approximately three and a half minutes twice a day – once as I leave for work, and once in the window of time between them all falling asleep and me conking out too. What the WHAT are we going to talk about for three and a half days?  I did mention this to the Husband, who merely raised his eyes and said drily ‘I’m sure you won’t have a problem filling the silence, sweetheart’ – not sure what he means by that exactly…

But I know he is a bit nervous too –  not least because he couldn’t hide his look of relief when I messed up the online check in and we ended up in separate rows. I could practically see him doing the maths – two hours there, two hours back, well that makes a bit of a dent in it…sadly for him, Easyjet came good and reallocated the seats, ha!

This weekend feels like even more of a big thing because this time last year, we weren’t even managing the above mentioned three and a half minute conversations in a civil fashion. It was difficult to see back then how we would ever be able to move forward as a couple, and it did seem for a while as if we had reached the point of no return. But return we did, and I am glad, and I feel like going away together this weekend will be a celebration of that, especially as we are returning to the Czech Republic, one of the first places we visited together, and where we were married….awww shucks!

Three and a half days! Reader, I shall report back!

Three and a half days
Our first visit to Prague. Possibly pissed.

On sleeping teeshirts

The Husband turned to me with a serious look.

‘I need to talk to you’

To me? What about? Are the kids ok?

‘They’re fine. They are all sitting on you, so obviously they’re fine.’

‘Oh. I hadn’t noticed. Well, what then?’

‘It’s about, well I’m not really sure how to say this. It’s about…’

Panic sets in. What is it? What’s happened? What on earth can be so serious that we need to TALK? Things are tough right now – but surely we’re not at THAT stage yet?

‘What??’ The kids are listening in too now, with wide, interested eyes.

‘It’s just…do you think you could do something about your sleeping teeshirts?’

Confused now. ‘Do what with them? You mean, like sew up the holes? Or label them so the kids don’t wear them to school by mistake?’

‘Um, I was thinking more of, say, burning them’.


‘Yeah, what’s wrong with Mummy’s sleeping teeshirts? They’re nice and soft and cuddly and they smell of her, AND you can see her bottom in some of them!’

Hilarity all round as the kids contemplate bottoms for a bit and pretend to be the bottom loving minion from Despicable Me 2. ‘Bottom. Bottom. Mr Ramsbottom. Bottom’.

‘Seriously, what is wrong with my sleeping teeshirts? They’re what I sleep in! Every night! What the hell ELSE am I supposed to wear in bed? My DAYTIME teeshirts?’

(Brief pause to consider whether this might make the morning routine less stressful. Decide that it would but it’d be a bit gross, so reluctantly dismiss the idea).

The husband is squirming a bit as I turn to face him.

‘Seriously, we’ve been together HOW LONG and NOW you are having a pop at my sleeping teeshirts?’

‘Seventeen years’ (mournfully). ‘And I HAVE thought about mentioning them before, but there never seemed to be the right moment. I just didn’t want to cause any upset’.

‘WHY DO YOU ASSUME I’LL OVER-REACT TO EVERYTHING?’ Deep breath. ‘I LIKE my sleeping teeshirts. My Campaign against Nestle one! My Mickey mouse one! My one with 21st birthday messages written on it! I’ve had them all since before I met you and I’m not ditching them NOW!’

‘Ok, ok, just a thought, calm down, here, have some chocolate, no, actually have some gin.’

And that, I thought was the end of that.

‘LIPSTICK TAZER!’ The kids have moved on now to acting out their second favourite Despicable Me 2 scene. Relieved that we’ve moved on from the whole sleeping teeshirt conversation, I join in.

‘Lipstick Tazeerrr!’

‘YEAH! Let’s lipstick tazer Mummy! We could get her right on her BOTTOM, you know, the big bit that hangs down from her sleeping teeshirts!’

The husband appears to have a coughing fit, and refuses to meet my eyes.

My spirit is broken. I am now on the hunt for something which is not a Sleeping Teeshirt. Any suggestions?

I’m linking up for the first time ever to Actually Mummy’s Wots So Funnee link…pop along and have a laugh at some other posts that are, you know, funny!

Wot So Funee?