The Husband turned to me with a serious look.
‘I need to talk to you’
To me? What about? Are the kids ok?
‘They’re fine. They are all sitting on you, so obviously they’re fine.’
‘Oh. I hadn’t noticed. Well, what then?’
‘It’s about, well I’m not really sure how to say this. It’s about…’
Panic sets in. What is it? What’s happened? What on earth can be so serious that we need to TALK? Things are tough right now – but surely we’re not at THAT stage yet?
‘What??’ The kids are listening in too now, with wide, interested eyes.
‘It’s just…do you think you could do something about your sleeping teeshirts?’
Confused now. ‘Do what with them? You mean, like sew up the holes? Or label them so the kids don’t wear them to school by mistake?’
‘Um, I was thinking more of, say, burning them’.
‘WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY SLEEPING TEESHIRTS?’
‘Yeah, what’s wrong with Mummy’s sleeping teeshirts? They’re nice and soft and cuddly and they smell of her, AND you can see her bottom in some of them!’
Hilarity all round as the kids contemplate bottoms for a bit and pretend to be the bottom loving minion from Despicable Me 2. ‘Bottom. Bottom. Mr Ramsbottom. Bottom’.
‘Seriously, what is wrong with my sleeping teeshirts? They’re what I sleep in! Every night! What the hell ELSE am I supposed to wear in bed? My DAYTIME teeshirts?’
(Brief pause to consider whether this might make the morning routine less stressful. Decide that it would but it’d be a bit gross, so reluctantly dismiss the idea).
The husband is squirming a bit as I turn to face him.
‘Seriously, we’ve been together HOW LONG and NOW you are having a pop at my sleeping teeshirts?’
‘Seventeen years’ (mournfully). ‘And I HAVE thought about mentioning them before, but there never seemed to be the right moment. I just didn’t want to cause any upset’.
‘WHY DO YOU ASSUME I’LL OVER-REACT TO EVERYTHING?’ Deep breath. ‘I LIKE my sleeping teeshirts. My Campaign against Nestle one! My Mickey mouse one! My one with 21st birthday messages written on it! I’ve had them all since before I met you and I’m not ditching them NOW!’
‘Ok, ok, just a thought, calm down, here, have some chocolate, no, actually have some gin.’
And that, I thought was the end of that.
‘LIPSTICK TAZER!’ The kids have moved on now to acting out their second favourite Despicable Me 2 scene. Relieved that we’ve moved on from the whole sleeping teeshirt conversation, I join in.
‘Lipstick Tazeerrr!’
‘YEAH! Let’s lipstick tazer Mummy! We could get her right on her BOTTOM, you know, the big bit that hangs down from her sleeping teeshirts!’
The husband appears to have a coughing fit, and refuses to meet my eyes.
My spirit is broken. I am now on the hunt for something which is not a Sleeping Teeshirt. Any suggestions?
I’m linking up for the first time ever to Actually Mummy’s Wots So Funnee link…pop along and have a laugh at some other posts that are, you know, funny!
