Discombobulated

Family, LearnerMother, Sadness

My house feels weird. There’s only two out of three children here, and it just feels – odd. You know that feeling when there is something you think you should have remembered, but you just can’t figure it what it is? It’s kind of like that. I’ve never had occasion to use the word discombobulated before, but I think it sums up my feelings perfectly. Yep, definitely discombobulated.

Obviously there’s quite a lot of occasions when we don’t have the full complement in the house – they have playdates, and clubs, and school – but generally speaking, come 7pm or so, they’re all here. Driving me nuts at that point, sure. Still, they are here. But last night and tonight, my biggest boy has been away on an adventure trip with school. He’s getting the chance to do some amazing activities, and I know it will be good for his confidence, and I’m sure he’s having a brilliant time. And WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.

It’s not so much that I’m missing him, exactly – though I am.  It’s not that this is the longest I’ve ever gone without at least speaking to him on the phone. It’s not even that he is being let loose on activities like gorge walking and rock climbing and night time mountain trips  – my sensible head tells me these are all brilliant fun things for an 8 year old, while my slightly neurotic head (the louder of the two, usually) is yelling ‘DANGER! and has all manner of warning lights going off….

It’s not any of those things.

Unpicking it a bit, I think it’s fear. Fear that it’s all going too fast. Fear that this is the first of many times when our team of five has to play as four. And then three. And then just two….I’m quite sure this sounds melodramatic, and perhaps it is, just a teensy bit. But it feels like last week that I had my first baby. Last WEEK. And now he is nearly Nine. Years. Old. So by my reckoning, next week he’ll be eighteen. Holy crap. And – once again – WAAAAAAAAAAH.

Does anyone else feel like this? Or is it just me?

*shuffles off to be discombobulated all alone in a corner*

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24 thoughts on “Discombobulated”

  1. I think we get that. I cannot believe that Pip will be off to school in September! Sometimes it really feels like she’s barely more than a baby…though that it usually when she’s throwing a massive tantrum.
    I bet your boys having an awesome time, though I also bet he’s missing you too 🙂

    Also, I love the word ‘discombobulated’. So lovely to say.
    Amelia Appletree recently posted…So many of usMy Profile

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  3. I totally get where youre coming from, i’m kind of already dreading my eldest going next year! Think its when they start school it starts whizzing past!

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  4. That is a great word! I can sympathize with how you are feeling. It is so scary how quick they grow. I can’t believe that my oldest is 10 this year 🙁 hope you have a good weekend when you’re all back together x #blogclub

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  5. My sister in law is about to go through this this summer with her nine year old son and know she feels weird about it too Michelle. Discombobulated is one of my favourite words and I once convinced the powers that be at work (police) to use it as a month’s password (protected police information). I have never heard so much of a backlash!! Its a good job I wasn’t in charge of naming Operations – can you imagine Operation Discombobulation?! But the whole feeling of time flying with the ankle biters… yes definitely – my eldest also starts school this September and it will be the end of an era. X #WotW
    Sam recently posted…Word of the week – Flump: grappling with happinessMy Profile

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  10. Know how you feel – my eldest (just 9) was away at a Brownie adventure weekend this weekend and although during the day it was, dare I say, quite nice just having the one child, at night it felt odd and slightly wrong that she wasn’t there. This, even though they have both stayed away for a whole week at their grandparents but that was different I guess!
    Rollercoaster Mum recently posted…The Year 2014 in Photos – Week 13My Profile

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